Boomerang Kids

Boomerang kids is the term given to those students who leave high school, attempt college, and return home within a year or less because they were failing and either dropped out or were academically released by the school.

When pondering the issue of boomerang kids, one must remember that America offers opportunity, not guarantees. It is amazing to me how so many people fail to grasp this very important concept and how many schools fail to even teach it. To carry this concept a bit further, the American higher education system also offers a variety of opportunities--the opportunity to learn and the knowledge that learning is a personal responsibility demanding drive, hard work, and realistic aspirations from the learner. It offers no guarantees...except that it is available to all who (1) have the aptitude and (2) can find a way to fund it.

In today's educational arena, parents, educators, and legislators spend a great deal of time and effort in trying to quantify and chart the myriad factors that determine educational success in the hope that we can then better predict the outcome of our student's learning. A continuous chain of standardized testing beginning--strangely enough--even before entering kindergarten, an on-going clamoring for a "more rigorous" curriculum, and a structuring of our student's lives in and out of school to the point they are entering adulthood without really having experienced childhood are all attempts by society and our educational systems to guarantee our children are successful in school and life. In my opinion, however, you have a much better chance of predicitng the roll of a pair of dice...and this is why.

In my years as a teacher, administrator, and leader, I have seen students with nearly perfect SAT scores attempt college and fail, and students with SAT scores most colleges wouldn't consider to be acceptable for college level work try and succeed. I have come to call this the "Bubba-Gump" factor, a tribute to the still important and often undervalued virtues of self-worth, hard work, humility, citizenship, and honesty so poignantly portrayed in the Academy Award winning movie, "Forrest Gump."

As educators, we are often faced with the concerns of anxious parents, faculty, and administrative boards who want to know where we failed these boomerang students and how we can guarantee the success of those now following. But we must ask ourselves, did we fail them or did they fail themselves when they chose to:

• not use the skills and knowledge we helped provide them;
• not heed our warnings and advice;
• not be honest with themselves regarding their choice of school, their talents and strengths, their weaknesses, their passions, and their choice of academic major;
• avoid or not take advantage of the help offered by peers and school staffs;
• pursue a social rather than an educational agenda.

I have no definitive answers for these issues. Don't get me wrong, I am not complacent about them, but I have learned that there are so many factors which influence the decisions made by our students that are often beyond our control for which we either cannot or should not be held responsible. And I use myself as a prime example.

I graduated from high school and began college at 17. I was intelligent enough to do the work and succeed in college, but I didn't because I was far less interested in my academics than my social development. As a result, I lost my 2S deferment and was drafted into the service. At that point, I began making decisions that led to a challenging and successful career of some 23 years; the completion of both a Bachelor's and a Master's degree program; and the transition to a second career that I personally find challenging, enjoyable, and rewarding. Because of my earlier choices, I did not have the opportunity to finish my Bachelor's degree until I was 34 years old (17 years after beginning college) and my Master's when I was 39.

In most countries of the world, this would have been impossible. But in America, this was possible because the opportunity remained available to me until I was ready to make better personal choices and commit myself to making the effort required to take advantage of it. The opportunity is the only guarantee America offers its citizens. The rest is up to the individual and the personal choices we make which ultimately determine our successes or failures. I know this because I was a boomerang kid.

Advice for parents when your kid returns home.

Don't treat your 20-something like a 15-year-old. Adult children don't need to be nagged about what they eat or wear or how they spend their money. The obvious exception would be when their habits disrupt the household.

You have a right to set your rules -- but be careful not to cross into monitoring your son or daughter. For instance, if you don't want significant others staying the night, set that rule -- but don't try to control your child's dating life.

Don't fall back into childhood patterns and roles. For example, parents shouldn't do all the grocery shopping and wash all of the clothes. Such actions can enable lazy sons and daughters and keep them from becoming independent.

Before moving in, set ground rules and negotiate routines. Set a plan with a time frame for the living situation.

Don't preach or lecture.

Be patient. Some people take longer than others to settle into a suitable career.

Give advice when asked for it, but be sparing with glib, unrealistic or moralistic suggestions.

Partially bankrolling startup adults is helpful if you can afford it, but total support destroys incentive for work.

Demonstrate respect for and interest in your young adult's current lifestyle -- no matter how disappointed you might feel.

Advice for kids when they move back home.

Don't expect a free ride and few household responsibilities, as it was during childhood. Contribute financially in some way.

Give parents plenty of space, and develop an active life of your own outside of the home.

Respect and obey the rules of your parents' house, out of courtesy. But if the rules cross into meddling and controlling, assert your boundaries -- and work more quickly on your plan for moving out.

Show appreciation for your parents and treat them well. Living at home again can be a great opportunity to get to know your parents on a whole new level as people.